she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
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