Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
