I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
