First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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