Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
