youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
