I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
