I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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