How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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