But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
