Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
