Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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