i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
