I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
