Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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