I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you had me at cake vodka
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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