No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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