everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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