I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
