I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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