There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
