You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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