and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
