i already hear my dad disowning me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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