I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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