i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
