Sry I called you an 8
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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