Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
