I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
