You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
