he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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