ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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