I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
