The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
