Umm I'm too high to move.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
