I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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