I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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