the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My vagina is officially offended.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
