when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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