oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Enjoy the penises
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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