Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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