I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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