I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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