I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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