dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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