you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
