I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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