When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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