Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
