He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
