You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
