Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
